Losing someone at any age is hard, whether you are thirteen, forty-two, or even eighty-seven. Whether it is a relationship or a physical death, there is no right or wrong way to deal with grief. There is no one to blame, it is just part of life. And with all that said, it sucks.
I lost my mother when I was thirteen years old. Just thinking about how long it took me to accept it, and actually say it out loud, is enough to give anyone a headache. It is not something you can just close your eyes and forget about. It is not something that you can just ignore, and pretend it never happened. It is most definitely not something you should blame yourself for! Good or bad, everything happens for a reason, and I promise God knows what He is doing!
Looking around, you can see how the choices of one person can have a tremendous effect on everyone else. When you lose someone, whether it is by death or they’re just not in your life anymore, it is still something that shows you how much a person can mean to you and others. It shows you that every person you come in contact with makes you who you are. Where you are in life, and the people put in your life are all there to make you a better and stronger person. Things don’t just happen by accident. Obviously, I wouldn’t want to have lost my mom and I would change it in a heartbeat, but it is something in my life that has made me who I am.
Losing someone can put you in a very dark place. It makes you feel as if there is no good in this world, and you are never going to get out of this little ball of darkness. It can feel like you are never going to smile again, and feel like you are going to drown in your own tears. You might even be jealous and envious of all those around you who have what you don’t anymore. I know I was. Every time I saw someone with their mother, I felt like I was being stabbed in the back. It can make you scared of what is going to come tomorrow. It can make you worry if that’s going to happen to you or someone else in your life.
But it’s not the end of the world. Even if it feels as if it is.
I know from personal experience. Right after my mom died, there were days where I felt like I just could not get through all the pain and anxiety I felt. Sometimes I wanted time to stop because it’s unfair to the person who’s not there anymore. Trust me, I feel ya, and I hated it! But time just keeps going, as if nothing has happened.
But something has happened, that is why you do not want the time to stop. People’s lives are not defined by their ending. It is defined by when they were living. It doesn’t have to be today, or tomorrow, or the next day that you feel like everything’s okay again. In fact, it isn’t going to ever feel the same again, because something has changed. Losing someone is not going to feel good. That doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong, or you’re being a child because you can’t get over something. It just means you’re human. It means you have emotions, and that you are brave enough to deal with them. It is a scar engraved into your heart that will stay tattooed there forever. It is something that you can’t cure with a band-aid. Losing someone in your life is another chunk of armor that you add to your list of all the hardships you have faced.
When something like this happens, it may feel like your heart was ripped out of your chest and shattered. It can feel like no matter how you try to put it back together, the pieces won’t fit, and one is always missing. Like you will search your whole life, and it will never be filled.
That is what I thought before that missing piece I was searching for was found.
Something I have learned is that you need to let yourself heal. I know it can be hard. You feel as though you are betraying your loved one for moving on, or it is just so much easier to be broken. And honestly, it took me a long time to realize it, but that is the wrong way of thinking.
As the pastor of my church once said, in life, we have a bucket that we fill to sustain us or heal us. It was so much easier to fill my bucket with an eating disorder and not deal with the pain. But that is a lie, and it will not sustain us!
You have to let yourself be saved. Surround yourself with those you love. Be thankful for all the amazing things that you have been given in your life. I promise if you let yourself, you will find that missing piece. I did in Jesus Christ, and so could you.
Stop being consumed with the time it takes.
Stop obsessing with how long you have lost the person.
Stop filling your bucket with worldly things that will only hurt you in the end.
Instead, cling on to the people and things that will set you free from your pain.
Losing someone in your life, no matter who they are is one obstacle that will give you the strength to make yourself a better and stronger person; it is part of your testimony that God uses to help other people you come in contact with your life.